Dear Mr. President,
I am unaware if such a salutation is appropriate, for in the
present case I use the term “President” lightly. I believe that you usurped that office
through networking and nepotism and not necessarily through any sort of
business acumen on your part.
I assume that this letter, despite the address, was
undoubtedly sent to the complaints department, so you are wisely not expecting
an encomium. I understand the tendency
of those working in your career field to claim that customers can be cavil
about products. This letter, however, is
not a pithy claim for restitution. I am
writing to preserve the moral fiber of our country.
Who we choose to associate with says a lot about our
character. Over time, we become more
like those we spend time with.
Unfortunately, history has shown us that, as a whole, man’s moral mettle
is malleable. The more he is exposed to
amoral and corrupt influences, the more he comes to accept these negative
influences as “part of everyday life”. If
such aphorisms ring true about friends and acquaintances, then those we choose
to represent us says more about what we aspire to become.
Sir, you have chosen a mascot to represent your company that
is bigoted and racist. I refer, of
course, to the Cheetos Chester Cheetah. Cheetahs,
as you well know, are indigenous to various parts of sub-Saharan Africa. Your decision to make Chester synonymous with
a smooth-talking, sunglasses-wearing, alley cat instead of a hard working,
newly immigrated, African cat is dismissive of thousands of immigrants and
insulting to all Americans.
Those most familiar with your product, obese Americans, have
become racist, not towards African-Americans, but towards legal aliens. Xenophobia has run rampant throughout this
country and your treatment of Chester Cheetah has only exasperated the issue. One
need only look to the "Birther" movement to see that though people no
longer have a problem with minorities in this country, it has become socially
and politically acceptable to viciously target non-nationals.
As a concerned citizen of this country, I, and thousands
more like me, call on you to make a change.
Change his name to “Chiumbo Cheetah”.
Give him a visa and a vision. Let
him speak in his halting African singsong fashion, not in smooth jazz
tones. Why not give him traditional
African garb? Fix this!
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen
Also, your regular Cheetos don’t have as much cheese powder
as they used to. Fix that, too.
